sometimes I find myself slipping
reality is only a grasp away
today I was almost gone
it was as if there were another world
I was almost in it
caught myself
and I have been trying to recover ever since
it is so hard to keep it together
it feels like a weaving, and then it starts to unravel
and bulge and I could easily let go
I hope someone can help me

It's been a long long time

I don't even know where to begin.  I guess  I will just leave it at, still in the store business, still in the horse business.  What a boring post.

I can't organize my thoughts enough to post anything intelligible.  Is that even a word?

I will check in again, maybe in a few days, probably in a few months.

Hopefully the store is doing fantabulous!

stupid stupid google!!!

Here I am logged in or signed in whatever you want to call it! I go to my friends page to "follow" and I have to sign in again because I have to be signed in to follow her blog!!!! stupid stupid google!!!!

new Business = Village Heart

Well these past two and a half months have been a whirl wind of speeding time. I now own a business with a partner. We decided to do our own thing. I searched and searched for a job for over six months applying for j0bs daily (and that is no exageration) to no avail. I heard from two employers. One was a crook trying to get money out of unsuspecting suckers. The other was an American firm who feel it's ok to investigate a persons finances in order to work for them. I told them at the pre-interview that my financial situation has no bearing on employment with them. The didn't agree, I told them someone has to say no to them. We are Canadian we don't give up our rights lightly. The thing that amazes me, is that Americans who are all about the right to do shit, allow it to happen.

So, speed up to now, we are running our little gift store in Newcastle and doing ok, but not great. I am always scheming and dreaming of ways to get customers in. Our lives are so busy now, tomorrow morning for example we have a 7:00 a.m. meeting and then a meeting at 9:30 for advertising in the local paper. then off to open the store. Thursday, I work at our store, then have to be over to our regular job to work a close shift. PHEW! talk about busy.

Our Open House is coming up soon to, Saturday, November 12th. Man we have so much to do before then!!!!!!!

Never good enough

I hope someday that I am accepted.
That I am good enough as i am.
That I don't need self help to improve.
That I don't need to figure out why I do the things I do.
That my children forgive me for I am what I am and who I am.
I hope the men in my life realize that what they had was great and it is their loss
and they shouldn't have abused it.
I hope that one day I am accepted.
That I am finally good enough the way I am.

my hearts

You know, as a mother you love your children but seem to bitch about them all the time.
I was just thinking today about my kids and how much I love them.

My eldest is the sweet girl, always wanting things at home to be just so.

Next is my eldest son, 16 years old and a bundle of piss and vinegar. He is reliable and dependable. He doesn't lie to me and I can't tell you how important it is to be able to trust your kids. He is such an awesome young man.

Then there is my third child, my second daughter, 14 years old and so photogenic she looks 25. I hope she has a veneer that is hard to break because she is going to need all her strength and self confidence to keep the wolves at bay. She is headstrong and so for the underdog and downtrodden and mistreated that she will lecture your ear off until you realllllly listen and help her sort through the turmoil she feels. Or you can just give a soapbox to preach from.

Lastly, is my fourth child, second born son. He is 12 years old, one of those techy type kids. A boy who wants to be a video game tester. He has had some issues this year and I hope he realizes sooner than later that lying is the worst thing. Once a liar, never to be trusted. He is so goofy and happy go lucky for the most part. He plays with his big brother (wrestles) constantly. They also play games on the computer and compete with each other. I love to see his smiling face when he gets home from school or when he gets up in the morning.

Each of my kids is special to me, as kids are to mothers. Today someone put on facebook that we are supposed to say all this mushy shit about our daughters, well I took it a step further and included my boys and only posted it here. I get pretty tired of the bullshit headlines that prove you love.

my dear mother:by pamies daghter-dislexic daghter-Erin.

to my dear mother.
i need you to remember something.
can you do that for me?
I am your daughter.
I will allways love you.
do you under stand.
always.
always i will love you
for i am your daughter.
To my dear mother.
I need you to remember something.
can you do that for me?
I will always be your baby.
you will always love me.
Right?
always.
always you will love me
for i am your baby.
To my dear mother.
I need you to remeber something.
can you do that for me?
do not frett.
you will always have a purpuse.
always and for ever.